The New York Post can thank a Town of Tonawanda woman for this screaming, all-caps headline on the front page of Wednesday's tabloid:
"I WAS SHMEARED."
The temperature only rose higher inside the paper: "Bagel Mom's Nightmare."
What's going on? Tonawandan Elizabeth Dominguez was at Niagara Falls Memorial Medical Center to give birth earlier this month when a standard screening tested positive for opiates.
Dominguez told the Post she insisted she doesn't use drugs, and the culprit was the poppy seeds in the Tim Hortons everything bagel she had eaten a few hours before heading to the hospital.
Medical staff watched her son, Carter, for opiate withdrawal and told her they were required to alert Child Protective Services. She was discharged after two days, but her son had to stay another day for further monitoring, and CPS staff visited her home and her older kids' schools before everything was straightened out.
The hospital declined comment to the Post, citing patient confidentiality laws.
The Post noted the scenario was straight out of a classic "Seinfeld" episode, in which the character of Elaine fails a drug test for similar reasons – hers was a poppy seed muffin – but the real-life version was painful for Dominguez and her family.
"I can't believe stuff like this really happens," said Dominguez, whose case was first reported by WKBW.