Share this article

print logo

My View: A nursing home visit yields simple triumphs

By Silvio Laccetti

At this time of year, many Americans become deeply conscious of essential living: love of family, enjoyment of friends, the value of “quality time” and the joys of simply being alive. Many people of all faiths now fervently attempt to gain deeper sustenance and satisfaction from religious holidays. To appreciate life’s blessings, we will all just try harder.

Maybe we should try less.

Often, and ironically, less can be more. Miraculously more. With only a little oil, the lamps of the Maccabees burned brightly for eight days, the miracle of Hanukkah. On Christmas, a divine child was born in a manger – of all places – surrounded by farm animals and worried refugee parents. In these instances, less proved to be more.

It is certainly possible to find the heart of Christmas in various unexpected places. I found it in a seemingly most unlikely place, and I recommend that place to you.

I speak of a nursing home. According to statistics, it is a virtual certainty that, at some time in the future, we will either ourselves be confined there for several years or we will be visiting a loved one there. In our world, nursing home residents are the most marginal of all the living – almost forgotten, except on the holidays.

In the nursing home the great themes of life and death, decline and sustenance are played out every day. Here is where essential unadorned humanity reposes. Here every minute can be an eternity of quality time.

And every day is Christmas when tomorrow may never come.

Silvio Laccetti.

I learned all of this firsthand a few years ago. This discovery was dramatically embodied in a Christmas Eve visit to my mother, who had been confined in a nursing home for several years.

My mother and I journeyed to the top floor for our usual private visit in the social room that was decorated for the season. Now at this time there were gathered six or seven people, (patients and their older relatives) engaged in their own Christmas visits. We all acknowledged one another, but did not conjoin our visits.

It being Christmas, I decided to play the piano, a few of the traditional religious carols. But instead of my playing the piano, I took my mother’s hand and began playing “Silent Night” with her frail index finger. We sang. It was soft, not very tuneful.

Surprisingly we were joined by the voices of all the others from various parts of the large room. Softly we sang our songs united in our desire to celebrate the season and the good news of Christ’s birth. Eight or nine frail worried people joined together in a harmony of the soul.

Upon hearing this out-of-tune, out-of-phase impromptu concert, the activities director emerged from her office and asked if we’d like to have some real music played on tapes to listen to and sing along with. Amazingly, everyone said no. We were all satisfied with our own performance, our own offering to the season.

A poor thing it may have been, but ours it was, original, authentic, communal and alive. This “little” was, for all of us, much preferred to the “more,” which records, tapes or brass bands could have brought.

For me, that night remains one of my brightest Christmas memories and the most unexpected one.

Silvio Laccetti is a retired professor of humanities at Stevens Institute of Technology in Hoboken, N.J.

There are no comments - be the first to comment