This just in from the cultural time machine: store shelves have been missing the diet soft drink, Tab. That’s right, Tab. It’s still being sold out there — somewhere — and evidently has a devoted following.
According to The New York Times, fans who called customer service reported Coca-Cola Bottling Co. has chosen to discontinue offering Tab in parts of its 14-state territory, including Ohio, Kentucky, Virginia, North Carolina and the District of Columbia.
To devotees, this represents a crisis. Some fans have driven hundreds of miles to quench their thirst. When you fall in love with a beverage, it seems you’ll go anywhere for it. Tab: It’s the Springsteen of soft drinks.
Pity the poor bloater chub. Not only is it saddled with a name no parent would wish on a child but its purpose is simply to die.
The bloater chub is a fish that likes deep waters. That’s OK, we suppose, if you’re a fish, but bloater is also bait: Bigger fish, like trout and salmon, love to eat it and that’s why environmental officials in Canada and the United States are trying to restore it to Lake Ontario.
It’s all good — unless you’re a bloater chub — because its successful return will help to restore an ecological balance that has been missing since chubby went missing about 50 years ago, a victim of overfishing, invasive species and degraded habitat.
So, raise a glass to the bloater chub. May he thrive. In a way.
We’re not sure what they’re thinking in Nebraska, where the Associated Press reports the state’s new tourism campaign is built around the slogan “Nebraska. Honestly, it’s not for everyone.”
That’s what they say about Brussels sprouts, too.