For me, flying is pure terror. A permanent near-vertigo resulting from a middle ear operation in my early teens makes it also incredibly painful. I do it only when I have to. And though I do find it exhilarating in some ways – I mean, you're 30,000 feet above Terra firma in an aluminum alloy tube that's being rifled through the air at 550 mph, and sure, it's a rush – I find flying akin to either torture, or sitting through a Bon Jovi concert.
I felt strong in my conviction that the flying experience could not get much worse for me, and that through meditation, decongestants, and a steward or stewardess able to keep up with my Bloody Mary orders, it just might get better.
But now, thanks to Southwest Airlines' new deal with Warner Music Nashville, several of my visions of hell could commingle in an aeronautical real-time nightmare.
"Southwest Airlines has finalized an agreement with Warner Music Nashville that will expand the airline's series of pop-up in-air concerts," reads a piece in Billboard. That's right. While I'm white-knuckling it in a semi-stupor, wondering how I ever let my son talk me into flying from Buffalo to Los Angeles in the middle of winter, there's a chance that some Bro-Country hopeful will be serenading me in the middle of the aisle.
What fresh hell is this? In the midst of my existential crisis, I need to hear some dude schlepping out cowboy chords and singing earnestly of the simple pleasures afforded by Ford F-15s, Bud-Lite, and life on the range?
I'll see you on the train.