The Premier League football season is underway. As an average American sports fan, you know it's a big deal, but you don't have time to figure out what's what. Good news, friends: I'm here to help!
Front-running, bandwagon-jumpers will adopt Manchester City. The Citizens have awesome scoring. Manchester United is the popular No. 2 pick but that's like rooting for ExxonMobil or AT&T. You don't want the chalk.
The team to adopt is Liverpool. Its manager is German Jurgen Klopp, who embraces "gegenpressing," an entertaining, attacking style. The Reds try to win games 5-4 and 4-3. Their fans have the charming tradition of singing the show tune "You'll Never Walk Alone." Liverpool is owned by the Boston Red Sox.
If you want a back-up plan, go with Tottenham. Or Arsenal, which boasts Chilean superstar Alexis Sanchez, who dates a string of supermodels. His manager once fretted he was having TOO MUCH SEX. Problem: He's angling to get shipped to a French club. And Arsenal's rivals like to call the club "The Arse." You don't want to get behind a team known as "The Arse." There it is. You're good to go.
Story topics: Liverpool F.C.