I give up. The trolls and tweeters have finally gotten to me. After a great deal of anguish and soul-searching, I've decided that the time has come to alter my approach to life, to become less critical and predictable in my work.
Therefore, I will never again rip the Pegulas or use the word "dysfunctional" to describe their teams. Doug Whaley? A visionary and a prince. No more cheap talk about heroic runs to eighth place or 8-8. I'll no longer gush about Tom Brady, the Spurs or the Red Sox. No more veiled shots at Trump and the right.
OK, that fulfills my April Fools Day obligation. On to this week's Mailbag:
@dwill517 asks: Who has the better shot at being here next season, Whaley or Bylsma?
Sully: First of all, I love the photo of Fenway Park and Pedroia on your Twitter page. I see good things ahead for the Sox this season, even without Big Papi ...
Sorry, I got sidetracked there. I'd say Bylsma has a better shot at being here. Maybe the players aren't wild about him, but they haven't quit on him, either. They've played well in some recent defeats, and Jack Eichel has been generally good. The Reinhart suspension might have been harsh, but the players have to respect him for it.
Pegula has employed a combined eight head coaches on the Bills and Sabres since coming to Buffalo, if you count Anthony Lynn's game. Firing another one, so soon after jettisoning Rex Ryan, would be a very bad look. It would darken the cloud of dysfunction over the enterprise, and make it look like the players got their way.
Whaley is a different story. He's the one head coach/GM the Pegulas inherited who remains on the job. He might be the worst of all of them. He has squabbled with two head coaches, mismanaged the salary cap and had his power diminished as the Pegulas knighted new coach Sean McDermott and made him the face and voice of the franchise.
As I wrote last week, they should have fired Whaley by now. The more likely scenario is that they'll keep him through the draft -- why not let him and his scouts screw up another one? -- and fire him shortly after.
Byslma should get at least another season. Tim Murray has done a miserable job of assembling a defense and deserves a big share of the blame for the Sabres' disappointing season. If he fires Bylsma, his seat only gets hotter.
mclennon99asks: Since Terry Pegula denied the CBS report that the relationship between Whaley and McDermott wasn't "built to last," how much longer does Whaley have before collecting unemployment?
Sully: As I said above, it wouldn't surprise me if they dumped Whaley soon after the draft. I don't put much stock in Pegula's denials. Maybe if he showed up for a press conference now and then, he'd have some credibility on the major issues.
Pegula denied the friction between Whaley and the previous two head coaches. He insisted there was no truth to Vic Carucci's report that ownership had given Rex Ryan and Whaley some sort of win-or-else ultimatum late in the 2015 season.
Soon after Pegula's comments, the Bills got rid of four veteran employees -- the director of player engagement, team chaplain, athletic trainer and strength-and-conditioning assistant. It sure seems McDermott is putting his stamp on the operation and looking to bring in his own people.
At some point, that will likely mean a new GM.
Mark DiPirro asks: Do you think the entire Bills organization crumbled to their knees, along with the Jets and Dolphins, when told that Tom Brady intends on playing six to seven more years?
Sully: I imagine they were already on their knees, having watched Brady stage the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history, six months before his 40th birthday. Over a three-year period, after being dismissed by the pundits, he led the two greatest comebacks in the history of the Super Bowl.
Brady has said for years that he could play well into his 40s. Who could doubt him now? He's as good and healthy as he's ever been. Barring a major injury, he could play at a high level for several more years. Aaron Rodgers said he's been studying Brady's conditioning methods and plans to do the same this offseason.
Here's something to stagger the Pats' AFC rivals: Brady's weapons next year could be his best yet. Imagine that passing offense if Rob Gronkowski comes back healthy and Brandin Cooks plays the way he did in New Orleans, where he averaged 81 catches and 1,155 yards receiving the last two years.
@Leaker19 asks: As a Mizzou alum, have you commented on Cuonzo Martin yet?
Sully: It's a solid hire, one Missouri wanted to make before Martin went to Tennessee six years ago. I felt bad for Kim Anderson, who played center when I was in school there. But the Tigers went 8-46 in the SEC during Anderson's three years as coach and needed a more dynamic guy to lift them back to respectability.
Martin, who grew up in East St. Louis, Ill., has a feel for the state and the Columbia campus, which has suffered through social unrest in recent years. He's known as a tough leader, a self-described "builder of men" who beat cancer 20 years ago.
Of course, it's mainly about getting players. Martin immediately upgraded the roster by signing Michael Porter Jr., the top recruit in the country and a Columbia native. He also hired Porter's father as an assistant coach. Porter Sr. was an assistant for the Mizzou women's team for six years. His daughters play for the Tigers.
@JackNLE312 asks: Jer, who's taking home the Blue Belt in the Women's Six Pack Challenge at this week's Wrestlemania?
Sully: I'd bet my last turnbuckle on Naomi. This is all about theater, right? How can you beat Naomi coming off a legitimate injury and returning to her home state of Florida to rise above a fabulous female field and reclaim her Smackdown title?
As an NBA lover, I'm partial to Naomi -- born Trinity McCray -- because she was a dancer for the Orlando Magic before making her name in wrestling. Sunday's match will be a nice diversion between the Final Four semifinals and Monday's NCAA title game.
Daniel Meyer asks: Which recent action by our President disappoints you most: his refusal to fill out an NCAA bracket, his decision to watch FoxNews instead of the Kansas-Oregon "Elite Eight" game, or his refusing to throw out the first pitch of the home opener for the Washington Nationals? Sad!
Sully: Very, very sad. No contest, I'd say not throwing out the first pitch. It's a fond American tradition and he's a sports guy. But considering his minimal attention span, Trump might be one of those people who consider baseball boring.