Dear Abby: I am very excited to be proposing soon to the man I want to spend my life with. My family is excited for me – with one exception. My younger sister, whom I want to be my best woman, says she doesn’t know if she will be able to participate in our wedding because she’s having trouble reconciling that her faith tells her same-sex marriage is a sin. I have explained that it will be a civil ceremony with a judge instead of a religious figure and she says that this “helps,” but she still doesn’t know if she can be part of it.
I love my sister and I know that if she didn’t love me in return, she wouldn’t be struggling with this; she just wouldn’t participate. She’s racking her brain and her Bible trying to find a way to square her faith with her love for me and my soon-to-be fiance.
Despite this, I can’t help feeling hurt that she views my relationship as a sin she can’t be part of. If she decides she can’t stand with me in my wedding, I don’t know what to do. If she can’t support my marriage, should I ask her to not come to the ceremony?
– Wedding Woes
Dear Wedding Woes: I don’t think you should be retaliatory and tell your sister to stay away if she feels her faith doesn’t permit her to be a member of your wedding party. If that’s the case, she may decide on her own not to attend.
What you should do is decide who else you would like to stand up with you on this important occasion. Choose someone who has no question about whether you are doing the right thing. I hope your special day will be a happy one and that you will allow no one to blemish it.
Teen romance woes
Dear Abby: I’ve been on and off again with this boy for about a year now, and he is socially awkward whereas I am not. He is extremely funny and loyal.
I’m 13 and I think he wants to move to the next level of our relationship, and I’m not ready for that. He talks a lot of crap about my friends, too. I feel like I need a break from him. How do I let him know how I feel without sounding rude?
–Teen in Alberta, Canada
Dear Teen: Be clear in your messages to him. Tell him you don’t like the way he talks about your friends, and you don’t want to hear him do it again. If he pushes you to do ANYthing that makes you uncomfortable, tell him NO and that he should stop immediately. It is not rude to create boundaries for yourself; in fact, it is healthy. It is more important to be forthright than to be polite.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 60069.