Dear Abby: Last Christmas I didn’t hear from several of my longtime friends. I don’t have a computer, but someone looked up online obituaries and was able to tell me they had passed away.
This Christmas I’ll be 89. My health isn’t the greatest, and I’m thinking of including a note in my cards to the other few good friends I’ve known for 60 years. I’d like to say how much their friendship has meant to me in case they don’t hear from me again.
Is this too morbid? What can you suggest? I like to tie up loose ends.
– Not Getting Any Younger In Albany
Dear Not Getting: I don’t think it would be morbid as long as you explain the reason you are including that message. Say it like this: “During the last year I learned that several good friends had passed away. I regret that I wasn’t able to tell them goodbye. Because none of us has a contract with God, I want you to know how much your friendship has meant to me all these years.”
I hope you will write to me again because I’d be interested in knowing what kind of response you get.
Affair leads to mother-daughter rift
Dear Abby: I have been married for 30 years. A couple of months ago, my 26-year-old daughter discovered that my wife, her mother, has been having an affair for the past four years. It has been very traumatic for all of us. My wife and I are working it out and attending counseling.
My wife and daughter used to be close, but ever since the discovery, my daughter has not spoken to her mom. She says she needs time and doesn’t want me “pressuring” her.
My daughter will be in her best friend’s wedding in the fall, and I received an invitation addressed only to me (with an option for a guest). My wife cried for an hour. I told my daughter I didn’t want to attend without my wife, but she doesn’t want her mother there.
Where do my loyalties lie?
– Brokenhearted In Pennsylvania
Dear Brokenhearted: Your daughter has had time to make peace with her mother. If her mother has reached out to her and has been rejected, it appears your daughter is unwilling. You can’t fix that. If you are really working things out with your wife, your loyalties should lie with her. Why the wedding invitation you received wasn’t addressed to Mr. and Mrs. is beyond me. But if your daughter inserted herself into her friend’s invitation process, it shouldn’t have been allowed.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 60069.