Share this article

print logo

Dear Abby: Can’t shake attraction to her abuser

Dear Abby: I am 19 and going into my second year of college. I was sexually and emotionally abused during my first two years of high school by a boy a year older. I attended therapy for a while and eventually found myself in a loving relationship with my boyfriend. We’ve been living together for a year.

Everything was going fine until I came home for summer break. I have never gotten over the feelings I had for my abuser, but I love my boyfriend and would never want to hurt him or endanger myself again. Why should I have feelings for someone who treated me so terribly? And what should I do about them?

– Abused and Confused in California

Dear Abused and Confused: I commend you for recognizing that the status quo isn’t in your best interest. Old habits die hard, and you may still be physically attracted to your abuser. Now that the school year is beginning again, head straight to the student health center and talk with a counselor about this. Do not put it off, because understanding this is important for your emotional well-being now and in the future.

Preventing uninvited guest

Dear Abby: We are having a housewarming party and would like to invite a married couple we know. However, the wife is notorious for having one of her female friends tag along for everything they do – movies, vacations, concerts. Everything! I don’t care for the third wheel, and I don’t want her at our party. What’s the proper way to word the “guests only” without it sounding cold or insulting?

– No Trespassing in Virginia

Dear No Trespassing: After you issue the invitation, call the wife and tell her your party is for “guests only” and that you would prefer she not bring any extras. If she asks why, tell her the truth. It is a breach of etiquette to bring uninvited guests to someone else’s party, so stop worrying about sounding cold or insulting because this couple appear to have hides of steel.