Dear Abby: I am a 58-year-old, twice divorced, hardworking middle-class female. I spend most of my time working and involved with my three adult children. About a year ago, I started dating someone. He is 63, very helpful and says he’s madly in love with me and appreciates this opportunity for a normal, wholesome life.
Occasionally, I’ll catch him staring at women’s butts. It bothers me a bit, but, oh, well, he’s a man. Last week, our family went camping. At least a dozen times, I saw him position himself so that he could stare at my 40-year-old daughter’s behind.
As we were packed up and ready to head home, she said she had to relieve herself and headed into the bushes. Instead of my boyfriend looking the other way as we all did, he stared and gawked in her direction obviously trying to sneak a peek!
Abby, I am devastated and disgusted. What’s your take on this?
– Normal or Not in New York
Dear Normal: For a man to look at women’s body parts is normal, but what your boyfriend did goes beyond that. For him to try to sneak a peek at your daughter while she relieved herself indicates that he is a voyeur. Now you must determine whether he just takes advantage of an opportunity or he actively seeks it out, which could present a problem in the future.
Limits on visits irk grandma
Dear Abby: My daughter is a 29-year-old new mother, and the restrictions she has put on visiting her and my new grandson are unrealistic.
Since his birth three weeks ago, I have seen him only once – at the hospital. She has taken him on two outings: one where there were 10 people and another where there were more than 100. My daughter now says that when I visit, I must change into freshly washed clothes before entering her house. She’s afraid that the secondhand smoke will harm him.
I’m not unintelligent. I have bought disinfectants to spray on myself, as well as breath strips. I also wash my hands, arms and face before I hold him. Am I unrealistic in thinking she’s asking too much, or should I say something to her and let her know how much she has hurt me?
– Crying Day and Night
Dear Crying: I do think you should talk to your daughter. What she may be trying to do is encourage you to quit smoking. I doubt that she’s doing it to be hurtful.
Her motivation may be that she knows how unhealthy smoking is and would like you to be around until your grandchild is well into adulthood. The odds of that happening will be higher if you can find a way to give up tobacco. And when you do, consider putting all the money you save into an education fund for your grandson.