Dear Abby: Six months ago, my best friend’s fiancé raped me. I’ve known him for many years, and I didn’t see it coming. I became pregnant but had a miscarriage two months later. I recently had to have a hysterectomy from all the damage. I never went to the police, and very few people are aware of the whole horrific experience. I have been beyond traumatized by what happened.
My best friend knows nothing about it, and I have been unable to face her since that awful night. Do I tell the truth? Or do I just shut her out of my life? This has taken a physical and emotional toll on me. Please help.
– Missing a Friend in Canada
Dear Missing: Gladly. Find the nearest rape and sexual assault treatment center in your province and make an appointment immediately! You need more help than anyone can give you in a letter, and the people there can counsel you not only on what to do, but also what your options are at this point. Your friend should absolutely be informed about what she’s getting into if she marries your rapist, but I do not recommend that you tell her until you have strong emotional support beside you.
Torn about kin in Kurdistan
Dear Abby: Our son, daughter-in-law and two young children live in Kurdistan. They are volunteering for a charity that helps Syrian refugees. While we admire their efforts, we struggle with the sacrifices that this brings to our whole family. We work full time and could save up to visit them, but because we are not comfortable with their choice to live there, we continue to refuse their invitation. Are we being too self-centered? What do you advise?
– So Far Away
Dear So Far Away: No, you are being rational and self-protective. Not only do I not think you are self-centered, I’m suggesting you keep them in your prayers and use Skype or video chatting to stay in contact.
Hmm, party with adult wares
Dear Abby: A friend invited me to a sex toy party, and the saleswoman hosting the event is a distant acquaintance.
What is the most polite way to ask her if she has informed her family of her profession? Is it all right to attend if she hasn’t told her relatives that she sells sex products? If I refuse her invitation, would it be polite to enclose an order for some of her products? I prefer to buy from a reputable saleswoman rather than some anonymous website.
– Awkward in Illinois
Dear Awkward: I don’t think it would be appropriate to ask your hostess whether she has informed her family about her career. And if you prefer to decline the invitation, I’m sure that enclosing an order for her products would be fine with her – and possibly the start of a business relationship.