Dear Abby: I am 22. I met my boyfriend, “Jordan,” in college. We live together with a roommate.
Throughout our relationship, there have been times when Jordan was inconsiderate and didn’t seem to put much effort into it. Sometimes, he says he’s going to be out “late.” Then he ends up staying out all night without letting me know he’s not coming home. He has done this quite a few times. His excuse is that I am supposed to call to hound him, and ask where he is and when he’s coming home.
He often has not respectful of my time and comes home hours after he says he will. Most of the time, he’s out with friends I know, but I am losing trust and feel less important.
When we are spending time together, the relationship is great. Jordan is the one person I feel I can live with. We don’t get annoyed with each other, have the same sense of humor and common interests and hobbies.
I have tried many times to get the point across that he doesn’t make me feel like a priority. He tells me that he cares and that I’m “the one.”
He keeps failing to back up his words with actions. Where do I draw the line?
– Low-Ranking Girlfriend Out West
Dear Low-Ranking: Draw the line now and remove your blinders. Although you say you don’t get annoyed with each other, it seems that you are plenty annoyed with Jordan, and you have a right to be. You are being treated as if your feelings don’t matter.
You are not his mother and you shouldn’t have to “hound” him. When a boyfriend stays out all night, it is cause for concern. And that his actions and his words don’t match means that he’s not being truthful.
Prepare yourself for the inevitable because it’s coming.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 60069.