Dear Abby: My husband of 28 years had a bone marrow transplant, and six months ago, he learned the identity of his donor. He now wants to meet up with the person. It turns out that the donor was a woman.
I’m not usually a jealous person, but she’s all he ever talks about every single minute of the day. He wants to meet her two hours from where we live. I am fine with it, but I’m tired of hearing how “great” she is. What can I do to keep the peace in my house?
– Wife of a Transplant
Dear Wife: Because of your husband’s donor, you are a wife and not a widow. A step in the right direction would be to regard her as the person who saved your husband’s life at a point when you could have lost him.
Of course, he thinks she is “great.” Not everyone is willing to be tested to see if it’s possible to be a bone marrow donor. I think she is great, too.
Please calm down. With the passage of time, your husband will not feel the need to speak about her as often.
Boyfriend on cruise with ex?
Dear Abby: My boyfriend booked a cruise with his ex-wife to celebrate their son’s eighth birthday. They plan to share the same cabin. He has mentioned at least twice in the past that she wants him back, but now he denies having said it.
I didn’t expect him to pay for my ticket (I can afford it), but an invite would have been nice. I have included him in my children’s celebrations and have stood by him through difficult times. I have yet to meet the ex, so there’s no animosity between us.
When I suggested separate cabins would be appropriate and affordable considering that they had booked a suite, and two regular cabins are about half the price, he flat-out told me I’m not invited. He says this isn’t about “us,” but about his son, with whom I get along.
I love this man and feel that this isn’t just about trust, although he has been less than truthful lately. I don’t want to have to wonder what happened in that cabin when their son was asleep or at the kids club on the ship or when they had a bit too much to drink.
Am I unreasonable in thinking that sharing such close quarters with an ex is inappropriate? Should I jump ship from this relationship? He clearly could care less about my feelings.
– Waiting at the Dock
Dear Waiting: When parents separate, most children hope and pray that they will find a way to get back together. If your boyfriend and his ex are sure that isn’t going to happen, then it really isn’t right to bunk together and get their son’s hopes up only to be disappointed when the ship returns to shore.
That this man acts as if your feelings are irrelevant and isn’t always truthful are huge red flags and do not bode well for your future if you stay with him.