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Dear Abby: Decision on breast-augmentation surgery is criticized

Dear Abby: I am 23 years old, working full time as a teacher, and I’m about to move out of my parents’ house. I have decided to have breast-augmentation surgery, and I know the best time to do it would be this summer so I’ll have time to recover before school starts.

The problem is that my parents are firmly against my having this surgery. I’ve heard it all: “I wish you loved your body the way it is,” and “That’s so superficial,” and “You’ll regret it!”

I would wait until I move out, but my new place (which is being built) won’t be finished until the end of the school year. I have postponed this surgery for several years, and now I have the money, and I’m ready. How can I please my parents and also please myself?

– Tired of Waiting

Dear Tired of Waiting: Have another talk with your folks and explain that while they may wish you loved your body the way it is, you don’t. Tell them you don’t feel that wanting the surgery is superficial and that you feel it will give you confidence about your appearance that you don’t have now.

The decision about whether to have plastic surgery is a personal one. No one should make it “for” you; the choice should be yours and yours alone. If you decide later that you regret it, you can have the implants removed. Some women have done that – but most women don’t.

Tight guest list for wedding

Dear Abby: I am planning a wedding this summer. My fiancé and I are paying for it ourselves, so we are trying to keep it within a budget. I’m so excited that I want to shout it from the rooftops because I thought that this day would never happen.

My problem is, when I have shared the news of our engagement, some people have told me, “I can’t wait to get my invitation.” We have already made up our guest list and they aren’t on it, so how can I tactfully reply without offending? My fiancé and I have even discussed whether it would be worth the extra money that each guest will cost in order to keep the peace and not have anyone carry a grudge against us.

– Struggling to Be Polite in Virginia

Dear Struggling: When someone who is not on your guest list says he or she can’t wait to receive an invitation, that’s your cue to explain that due to budget constraints, your wedding will be small – pretty much immediate family only. No one can argue with that.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.