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Dear Abby: Boyfriend’s sister complicates woman’s plans for the future

Dear Abby: I am 19 and recently decided to move to Denver to live with my high school sweetheart, “Logan.” His sister “Emily” had been living with him for about a month before I moved in, and I expressed concerns about that. Logan assured me she’d be moving out soon and he didn’t want to lose any time with me.

Since Day One Emily and I have butted heads. She’s a bartender who works three nights a week. She sleeps all day and doesn’t help with bills or with cleanup. She also wastes money on her “habits.” She has been mean to me, said spiteful things and caused problems between Logan and me.

I love Logan, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I’m at a loss as to what to do about his sister. We have talked about it many times, but things are only getting worse. Please help.

– Crowded in Colorado

Dear Crowded: As you have probably noticed, you have nothing to gain and much to lose by further alienating his sister. A departure date for Emily should have been agreed upon before you moved in. Because that didn’t happen, you are now in the position of an “interloper,” and because you are judgmental about her lifestyle, that she would resent you and act out is understandable.

Be smart. Recognize that the current living arrangement isn’t healthy for your relationship with Logan and move out. Do NOT ask him to choose between you and his sister. If Logan is as serious about you as you are about him, he may decide to choose on his own and encourage Emily to find a place to live as was originally planned.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 60069.