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Want to get out of work Thursday to watch U.S.-Germany World Cup match?

You can’t call in sick Thursday. It’s too obvious, like calling in sick the day you’re supposed to come back from a two-week vacation.

But you can't work while the match is on. (If you don’t know which match, it might be time to consider purchasing a color TV and changing your typewriter ribbon.) And, really, you don’t need the whole day; all you need is about an hour and 45 minutes, depending on how many pretend injuries there are.

With that in mind, here are some suggested reasons you were away from your desk from, oh, I don’t know, say noon to 1:45 p.m.:

  • That’s when you scheduled an appointment at the car dealership to have the part replaced that was the subject of a massive recall. You’re not doing it for yourself; you’re trying to keep your family safe.
  • Your mother just called. She heard a weird noise in the basement and needs you to make sure that another raccoon didn’t get in. She would do it herself, but she doesn’t want to risk another round of rabies shots.
  • If your boss says he was looking for you and wants to know where you were, just say you were in the bathroom. Kind of wince when you say it and reach for your stomach and no one will ask for more details.
  • Your son’s principal called and said you needed to come to school right away. When you asked her what was wrong, she said she was not allowed to discuss matters “like this” over the phone.
  • On your way through the office, trip and fall and writhe in pain while grabbing at your leg until someone takes you to the hospital and then watch it there. It’s the World Cup thing to do.


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