Share this article

print logo

Dear Abby: Speak now or forever regret it

Dear Abby: I have been with my boyfriend, “Ned,” for almost two years. I’m 19 and we have lived together since we started dating.

I love Ned, but I feel like we moved too fast into our relationship and now he’s trying to keep it moving as quickly as possible.

I’m afraid he’s going to propose soon. He brings the subject up a lot, and I never have much to say because I’m afraid of hurting his feelings. What should I say if he pops the question? I’m not ready for that kind of commitment, but I don’t want him to be angry with me if I say no.

– Torn in Ohio

Dear Torn: Honesty is the best policy. Not wanting to upset someone would be a very poor reason for getting married.

If Ned pops the question, it is perfectly all right to tell him exactly what you have shared with me – that you are not ready for that kind of commitment because you are only 19. It’s the truth.

If Ned becomes angry, do not allow him to stampede you into saying yes. That kind of reaction could be a warning sign of someone who is a potential abuser.

Criticism, not gift, is tacky

Dear Abby: My daughter, who is graduating from college, received a gift card from her aunt. The gift card is for the shop that the aunt owns. I think this was tacky. Am I wrong?

– Proud Mama in North Carolina

Dear Proud Mama: If your daughter likes the merchandise her aunt carries, I see nothing tacky about it. However, for you to criticize the gift is ungracious. AND tacky.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 60069.