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Lori Borgman: Sorry about the cookies, crumbs and cereal

As a grandparent there's nothing you dread more than seeing one of your grandchildren get in trouble. You'll gladly take the fall for them, which is exactly why we sent the following note after a short stay with our daughter and her husband who have three little ones knee high to a grasshopper.
Dear Daughter,
We had a lovely time. We would like to apologize for the condition in which we left the bedroom you graciously prepared for our visit.
We're so sorry about the sticky door handle. Please don't blame the twins just because they lathered their hands and arms with orange Popsicles. It was our fault. We often do that same thing at home and forget to wash. I can't tell you how many times we've enjoyed a good Popsicle melting in our hands and then left a trail of sticky orange on the walls, outlet fixtures, baseboards and door handles. We promise to be more careful next time.
On the subject of food, we're also sorry about the bits of crackers in the shag carpet. Ditto for the raisins and Cheerios scattered about. And that would be us as well that left the bits of graham crackers and Nilla Wafers. You should know that we often bring food from home. Your father is afraid you'll put us on an all-lettuce diet and brings snacks in his suitcase. Yes, it is a coincidence that he brings exactly the same things your tots snack on, but any crumbs belong solely to us. We're sure your kiddos would never take food out of the kitchen (although you will find one of their snack cups under the bed).
About the bedding. You'll probably notice the dirty little footprints on the sheets and pillowcases. Those are our fault as well. We may have encouraged the girls to jump on the bed. We may even have held their hands so they could jump higher and told them it was an Olympic sport. We know now that this was poor judgment on our part. Be assured that the next time we visit, we'll clean their feet first.
We feel terrible about the computer. We've never seen that particular diagnostic screen appear either. Well, we may have seen it one time. It was after your little ones had been to our house. Just keep hitting the escape key and rebooting. It will all work out eventually. Don't worry if some of your financial records are missing. We hear the IRS is real understanding about that kind of thing.
We hope the closet door went back on the track without too much effort. It's not like it was the first time someone had played hide and seek in there. As for that bent mini-blind, it had no business being there in the first place.
We sure miss everyone, but there is something to be said for being back home where the carpet is crumb-free, the door handles are not sticky and we know exactly where we put the remote controls.
Love to the grandbabies, Grandma and Grandpa

Lori Borgman's new book, "The Death of Common Sense" is available online. Contact her at