1. MEN OF THE CLOTH
The last-place San Diego Padres wear camouflage uniforms during Sunday home games as well as on Memorial Day, Independence Day and Labor Day. Alas, the outfits probably won't help them win many games, but we like their chances of pulling off the hidden-ball trick.
2. PAT EXCUSE
Former Patriots wideout Troy Brown says he couldn't contact team owner Robert Kraft about Brown's selection for the team's Hall of Fame because his dog chewed up his phone. Well, that's one way to jam a receiver.
3. PENALTY ON THE PLAY
Three Ohio State football players were arrested for public urination and trying to elude police. Apparently the Buckeyes' running game still needs a little work.
4. A REAL RARITY
CBS' David Letterman, on Venus passing between the Earth and sun last week: "The depressing part is it won't happen again for another hundred years. It's like a Mets no-hitter."
5. UPON FURTHER REVIEW
Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald, on labor talks breaking down between the NFL and its referees: "Actually, the talks never got started-the referees' microphones didn't work."
-- Dwight Perry, Seattle Times