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Two mothers expanding shower list

Dear Abby: I agreed to be maid of honor at my best friend's wedding. I am now planning her bridal shower and just received the guest list from her mother and the groom's mother, "Alicia."

Alicia has given me the names of about 30 guests and says there are more people she wants to invite. Abby, the entire list will amount to nearly 70 guests.

I thought showers were supposed to be for close friends and family only. Would it be out of line to suggest that if she wants to invite that many people, she should give a separate shower?

Overwhelmed in New York

Dear Overwhelmed: You and the groom's mother are not on the same wavelength. She may be trying to repay social obligations, while you are simply trying to perform your attendant's duties.

Because Alicia is so insensitive, you must tell her firmly the maximum number of guests you can accommodate at the shower. It would not be out of line to suggest that she ask one of her friends to also host one. If she insists on inviting everybody to your shower, ask her to share the expenses with you. (Remember, bridal showers are usually hosted by attendants, friends or relatives of the bride, but not members of her or her fiance's immediate families.)


Remembering others

Dear Abby: Four years ago my best friend's mother lost her husband after a battle with cancer. She joined a grief support group and met a man who had lost his wife to cancer. Love blossomed, and they will be married soon. Everyone is thrilled they have found each other.

Along with a wedding gift, would it be appropriate to make a donation to a cancer charity in memory of their deceased spouses? I would like to honor the struggle that led the couple to each other, but don't want to offend. What do you think?

-- Devoted Friend in Kentucky

Dear Devoted Friend: I think you have come up with a beautiful idea that will be deeply appreciated, and you should do it.