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Dating mom should heed the advice

Dear Abby: "Melody" has been my best friend since we were in the fourth grade. (We're now in our 30s.) Over the past few years, Melody's life has changed. She separated from her husband, lives alone and shares custody of their three children.

She started dating almost immediately after her separation. She's always crying on my shoulder because she ends up with losers, yet the picture she has on her profile on all the dating sites shows her in a skimpy bikini.

One evening Melody asked me why she can't attract a "decent man." I told her that she needs to love herself before she can be loved. I also mentioned that if she wants to stop attracting sleazy men, she should consider changing her profile picture. She hasn't spoken to me since.

Was I wrong to be honest with her?

-- Had Her Best Interests at Heart

Dear Had: Your straight answer clearly wasn't what your friend wanted to hear, but you did the right thing by being honest with her. In light of the length of your friendship, call and offer her an apology "if I hurt your feelings." Let's hope that once she cools off, she'll appreciate that you said something important.


No bond with daughter

Dear Abby: When I was 25 I placed a baby girl for adoption. I am 50 now and still believe I made the right decision. Last year she found me. I answered all her questions and eventually met with her and her parents.

She wanted to meet my family, but I put her off for months. Eventually I gave in, and she met some of my siblings and their families. She and her "cousins" get along well.

Abby, I feel nothing toward this girl. I can't be the only woman who feels this way. I need to know I'm not a cold-hearted freak.

-- Fine With My Decision

Dear Fine: You are not a cold-hearted freak. You're a woman who never bonded with her baby. Please stop beating yourself up for not feeling something for a person who is a virtual stranger.