"I don't want to judge people for using a stylist, but when people say that I'm just a dumb stripper, I can't help but think, 'Wow, you really give accolades to these hair and makeup people and stylists?' I'm holding my own up there. I don't have a stylist and I do my own hair and makeup. That counts, even though it's not always appreciated." So says burlesque artiste Dita Von Teese.
I've seen Miss Von Teese, in and out of her act. She does know how to pull herself together beautifully. And take it off with class, too.
Speaking of stylists, dozens, perhaps hundreds of them, are anxiously awaiting the critiques of their efforts at Sunday's Oscars. For these men and women, the annual Academy Awards extravaganza, is worth a fortune in clients and reputation. Often, however, they are dismayed when they see their "star" on the red carpet. Suddenly Miss So-and-So decided to wear her hair up rather than down or put the damn dress on backward. Too much jewelry, too little jewelry. And as we discussed here last week, perhaps deciding to nix the Spanx.
It ain't easy keeping the stars looking good. It's a surprise more stylists aren't in rehab.
* * *
More fun was had on Jimmy Kimmel's show, right after the Oscars. He brought on Oprah Winfrey, straight from the theater, where she had taken a bow for receiving her Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Oscar. Miss Winfrey and Mr. Kimmel get on like a house afire. She was super-relaxed, funny and said she wanted to do more acting. Then Jimmy showed a comic skit he and Oprah had filmed. It was pretty great. "I used to have standards before I met you!" said Oprah, cheerfully.
* * *
Woody Allen's movie career has always been an on-again, off-again thing. He is an auteur and a genuine cult figure, but long periods can pass between successful Woody films -- even if the hardcore fans love all things Allen. In recent years, Woody, the quintessential quirky New Yorker, has made a significant comeback by moving his films to Europe, even making a London-based thriller, "Match Point," which borrowed a bit from Hitchcock and also "A Place in the Sun." (Or more precisely, the source, Theodore Dreiser's "An American Tragedy.") Last year's "Midnight in Paris" seemed to be everybody's favorite romantic movie.
But back in 1994, when Woody was still Manhattan-bound, he made the delicious "Bullets Over Broadway" set in the theater world of the 1920s. The movie earned seven Oscar nominations and won a little golden guy for Dianne Wiest, who played the often tipsy stage diva Helen Sinclair. ("Don't speak; don't speak!" she would famously utter to John Cusack, as the young playwright, whenever he tried to talk a little sober sense into her.)
Now Woody is taking "Bullets Over Broadway" and putting it on Broadway. With music. Allen is writing the book and the songs will be genuine 1920s ditties. At least that's the plan so far. But I can't see how they can avoid giving Helen Sinclair an original number. Likewise the chorus girl character played by Jennifer Tilly. We shall see.
Letty Aronson and Julian Schlossberg are producing this for spring 2013. One more reason the Mayan calendar just has to be wrong. I'd feel bad missing out on Woody's next act.