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Mother grieves for son-in-law

Dear Abby: My daughter is getting a divorce from a wonderful young man I've grown very close to. He's away in the service, and he and my daughter have grown apart.

He emails me and talks to me on Facebook quite often. I love him as a son, and I have been crying over this. I'm so upset that I'm having migraines. How do I detach from my son-in-law while still being there for my daughter?

-- Sad Mother-in-Law in Texas

Dear Sad M-I-L: Be honest with him. Tell him that while you love him like a son, the present situation with your daughter is causing you so much emotional conflict that it's making you physically ill. Explain that you will always be his friend, but that you must distance yourself emotionally somewhat until the divorce is final and he and your daughter have moved further on in their lives.


Seeking peace of mind

Dear Abby: I work in an educational setting where the emphasis is on accountability, responsibility and being a good role model. I made a terrible decision two years ago and received a DUI while out of town. I'm still ashamed of my choices that night.

I accepted all responsibility and completed the necessary requirements through the courts. However, since then I have dreaded someone at work finding out and losing the job I love. Do I talk to my HR department or confess to my supervisor? Or do I just keep it to myself and hope no one finds out?

-- Still Paying the Price in Michigan

Dear Still Paying: If you're involved in education, then you may be a member of a union. Instead of discussing this with HR, have a chat about it with your union representative. Because you have accepted responsibility for the incident and have completed the requirements of the court, I doubt that your job is in jeopardy, and your union rep may be able to give you some peace of mind.

If you have no union representation, keep it to yourself. I see nothing to be gained by blabbing about this to your co-workers.

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