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Hark, the carols of 2011!

It's time to start singing (because the alternative is drinking). Enjoy!

"Romney the Once Front-Runner" (to the tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer")

Romney, the once front-runner

Had a very well-coifed mane

And if you ever saw it

You would run and vote for Cain.

All of the other hopefuls

Used to call him "Worse than Dole"

They wouldn't let poor Romney

Win a single Gallup poll.

Then one desperate Christmas Eve, Santa came to say,

"Romney with your MBA -- Get the hell off of my sleigh."

Then all the hopefuls jeered him

As they shouted out with glee,

"Romney, the once front-runner

You are gonna lose to me! You are gonna lose to me!"

"I Can't Get a Loan" (to the tune of "There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays")

Oh, I can't get a loan for the holidays

'Cause my house is worth less than my new phone

How I pine for the sub-prime, easy-dollar days

For the holidays I cannot get a loan.

"Sleep, Osama" (to the tune of "All Through the Night")

Sleep, Osama, with the fishes

All through the night

Give your virgins our best wishes

All through the night.

So much for the Big Kahuna

Only wish we'd done it soona

Now here's hoping some fat tuna

Loves every bite.

"The First Purell" (to the tune of "The First Noel")

At first Purell was a rarely seen thing

It was something a Howard Hughes nutcase would bring.

Then it spread, just like the pox, to each shop, home and school

As if every door handle was slathered in stool.

Purell, Purell, Purell, Purell!

You have made normal life into germ hell.

"We Three Things" (to the tune of "We Three Kings")

We three things of Rick Perry are

Things to cut from budget so far:

First comes Commerce,

Ed-u-cation's worse

Then comes

"I'll Be Broke by Christmas" (to the tune of "I'll Be Home for Christmas")

I'll be broke by Christmas

You can count on me

I'll trample on somebody's mom

To buy a big TV.

Christmas Eve will find me

Where the Sony beams

I'll be broke by Christmas

Which may explain the screams.

It may explain my screams.

"It's iPhone Time in The City" (to the tune of "Silver Bells")

Look at my phone, it's an iPhone

You can tell I've got style

It's iPhone time in the city

Hear me tapping on that app thing

Texting 🙂 after 🙂

And on every street corner you hear:

Steven Jobs, Steven Jobs!

We miss you here on this planet

Ring-a-ling, hear that ping?

Part of you's with us today.

Look at my pad, it's an iPad

How I love its glass screen

As I update my status on Facebook

Burl Ives croons on my iTunes

'Cause I shelled out some green

And on every sleek earbud you hear:

Steven Jobs, Steven Jobs!

We miss you here on this planet

Ring-a-ling, hear that ping?

Part of you's with us today.

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