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Wife irked by texts from his ex

Dear Miss Manners: It came to my attention that an ex-girlfriend of my husband has been periodically texting him in the years since their breakup. (Our meeting and their breakup was in 2006.)

The most recent text message went like this: "My son and I were just taking the train to Montana, and it made me think of you."

She is currently married, and has been for over a year. My husband and I married in 2009.

Is it childish of me to feel that her behavior is inappropriate? I cannot help but feel that she's still clinging to their past relationship, and by doing so, is behaving in a way that's dishonest to her husband and disrespectful to me. (My husband never responds to these messages, just to let you know.)

How should I handle this?

Gentle Reader: What is there for you to handle?

You are not the recipient of these text messages, and your husband, who is, is handling it by not responding. Surely you are not thinking of anything so vulgar and disrespectful of your husband as a confrontation?

In that case, it would be he who had a problem to handle. Perhaps he does already. Miss Manners would have preferred you to have written that your husband had brought the messages to your attention, rather than that passive statement that it magically came to your attention.


Congratulate newlyweds

Dear Miss Manners: Please help me understand a situation I'm not able to process on my own. I received a wedding announcement from a couple I considered friends. It also contained the fact that I wasn't invited, all properly worded, of course.

Is this how it's done in polite society? It seemed to be done with taste, as if someone thought it was the right thing to do.

My feelings are telling me otherwise. Sending an announcement saying "we're getting married, you're not invited" just doesn't feel right. All it lacked was a big fancy "L" at the end to make sure I knew I was a loser.

Gentle Reader: Wait just a moment, please, before sulking. It really was sent in advance of the wedding, saying that the pleasure of your company is not requested?

Miss Manners suspects that what you received was an announcement of a wedding that had taken place. This is a perfectly proper way of informing people of the marriage; it is not obligatory to throw a huge wedding to include everyone the couple and their families know. The only response necessary is a note of congratulation.

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