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Texting can turn into a turn-off

Q: I got a guy's phone number at my cousin's wedding and after less than a day of texting him, he stopped responding to my messages. After asking him some random questions, I said, "So tell me about yourself." He didn't respond. I felt like I was interrogating him, since he wasn't asking me any questions, so I let him know that as well ... and he didn't respond again.

I then let him know that I possibly wanted to pursue a relationship with him at some point ... and of course he didn't respond to that, either.

How long should I wait to talk to this guy and should I just stick to asking random questions? I don't really like doing that, but I'm not sure how else to get to know him through texting.

-- M.N., Kenmore

A: Honestly, it sounds like he's not into you, unfortunately, possibly because you are constantly texting him. He probably thought you were attractive and nice when he met you at the wedding, and he might have wanted to get to know you, but texting is not the way to go about it. Text messages are great and convenient for some things, but not for meaningful or even casual conversations with people you've just met.

Some people find it easier to type to someone rather than talk to them, but if you want to get to know someone for real, you need to speak with him, be in his presence, and get in tune with one another.

Also, telling someone you have just met and haven't even had a date with that you want to eventually pursue a relationship with him is a huge turn-off. You don't want to appear overeager or desperate to be with someone, especially since he doesn't even respond to your texts and you don't know anything about him at all.

If you want to try and salvage this situation, call him and see if he answers. If not, leave him a message letting him know that you realize texting is impersonal and you would like to meet in person and talk sometime. Be prepared for him to not call you back, but if he does, keep the communication via texting to a bare minimum.


Understanding jealous outbursts

Q: My girlfriend gets really jealous for no apparent reason. We will be out to dinner and I'll smile politely at the waitress and all of a sudden I'm being loudly accused of flirting with the woman and being attracted to her. This happens almost daily, in various situations, and I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her. How can I get through to her?

-- D.S., Buffalo

A: That kind of jealousy often stems from insecurities, lack of confidence, or past experiences with previous partners. As long as you're not unintentionally flirting or giving the waitress the eye, your girlfriend is out of line. Jealous people will likely always be jealous people, so you need to learn how to anticipate her outbursts and do some damage control if you want to stay in the relationship.

You should talk with her about why she feels this way, and maybe the two of you can come to some sort of compromise. Either way, if you want to be with her and keep her happy, you will always have to be aware of your behavior -- where you're looking and what you say -- if you want to keep her happy and secure in the relationship.


Patti Novak owns Buffalo Niagara Introductions ( E-mail questions to and include your initials and hometown.

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