CAR FOR THE COURSE
Rory McIlroy's (above) rout at the U.S. Open was so utterly complete, witnesses swear, that he even lapped Dale Earnhardt Jr. on Sunday.
Rookie manager Edwin Rodriguez resigned after his Florida Marlins opened June with a 1-17 swoon. No word on whether he's still eligible for the Red Klotz Award.
NOT HIM AGAIN
"The good news is that they already found a replacement for Anthony Weiner," cracked NBC's Jay Leno. "The bad news is that it's Brett Favre."
The NCAA is miffed at Kentucky for celebrating basketball coach John
Calipari's 500th career win last season conveniently overlooking the 42 victories vacated from his time at Memphis and UMass. Apparently the "cal" in Coach Cal isn't short for calculus.
Stampeders QB Henry Burris, to the Calgary Herald, on whose cars he wouldn't be caught dead in: "Jack Kevorkian. Or [Branch Davidian leader] David Koresh. Nothing good's going to happen in those vehicles."
-- Dwight Perry, Seattle Times