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Wife should also have some say

Dear Abby: I couldn't believe your response to "Stumped and Trumped in Ohio" (May 12). You made a point of saying to the father that his daughter and her boyfriend are in HIS house and they should abide by HIS rules and sleep in separate bedrooms. It's his wife's house, too, and she thought it was fine for them to share a room. Since when should the man's opinion automatically trump the woman's?

This is something the husband and wife should have worked out together before "Julie" brought her boyfriend home for a visit. But in saying it's the man's house and everyone should abide by the man's rules, you insulted women everywhere.

-- Burned Up in Springfield, N.J.

Dear Burned Up: You're right. I was clumsy. While I agree with you that the writer and his wife should have reached a mutual agreement before the daughter and her boyfriend arrived, they didn't. Call me a stick-in-the-mud, but I don't think an unmarried houseguest has a "right" to share a bedroom if EITHER parent is uncomfortable with it. Readers were divided about this:

Dear Abby: When my husband and I were dating, and even after he moved in with me before we married, whenever we visited his parents' home, I always slept in the guest room. Why? Out of respect for his parents' wishes. It was never something that was asked of me. I did it out of respect for someone else's home.

-- Rebecca in St. Paul


Dear Abby: Today's letter had my blood boiling. I wholeheartedly agree that rules of a household should be respected. However, the father's objection to his daughter and her boyfriend sleeping in the same room isn't about respecting his "wishes." He's upset because he's trying to control his daughter. I'm surprised you encouraged him, given that he made it clear he had no problem with premarital sex. He's a blatant hypocrite.

-- Caitlin in L.A.


Dear Abby: I think guests, including children and grandchildren, who live together in today's world should be allowed to share a room. Times have changed. Prudishness is out of date.

-- Realistic Contemporary Grandma

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