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Mom upset over wedding

Dear Abby: I don't like my 25-year-old daughter's fiance. He never went to college, works a low-paying job and doesn't know how to manage money. He floats through life and doesn't appear to have any goals. I have raised these issues with my daughter in the past, but she didn't want to hear it.

I know I can't choose her husband, and she's free to make her own choices. My problem is, I don't want to plan the wedding. There is no excitement for my daughter. What should I do? Fake it, or level with her about not wanting to be a part of this?

-- Anxious and Worried in the South

Dear Anxious: Your daughter already knows how you feel about her fiance. When parents plan and/or pay for a wedding it is a gift, not a requirement. At 25, your daughter is old enough -- and should be independent enough -- to plan (and pay) for it with her fiance. It will be good practice for what lies ahead after her trip to the altar.

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Wait this one out

Dear Abby: I volunteer with a support group and have fallen for one of the members. I'm certain she doesn't know my feelings. I have respected her right to pursue the support she sought without the complication of romance.

I have been resigned to the fact that an extraordinary woman has crossed my path under the wrong circumstances. However, a trusted friend has suggested that special people come only rarely into our lives and that I should consider leaving my role as facilitator to pursue her. I'm now struggling over what to do. I find great satisfaction in my volunteer work, but am drawn to this woman.

-- Torn Between Two Desires

Dear Torn: If you approach the woman while she's a member of your group, it could be considered a breach of ethics. Therefore it might be better if you wait until she is strong enough to leave the group before you approach her for a personal relationship.

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