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Daughter is carrying around guilt

Dear Abby: My mom died of an aneurysm 23 years ago. I was only 7. I occasionally hear an aunt or uncle talk about how much they loved her and miss her.

I moved in with an aunt when I was 5, due to abuse from my father. Two years later, my mom was gone. As kids, my brother and I never received counseling. We bounced from home to home and finally ended up in a stable environment with our grandma.

I usually feel guilty when people talk about my mom because I cannot relate. I tell myself that maybe God sacrificed her so I could have a good life. Sometimes, I feel more anger than love toward her because of the abuse and abandonment.

What am I supposed to feel about her? Can someone love a person they never knew? To be honest, I don't know how to feel about my mother.

-- Emotionless in Oklahoma City

Dear Emotionless: It is very difficult to love someone you never knew. And from your description of your childhood, your feelings are understandable. However, because those feelings are bothering you and creating guilt, they should be discussed with a licensed professional. If you do, you will gain a better understanding not only of yourself, but also the dynamics in your family. You do not deserve to be carrying around any guilt at all.

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Teacher should tone it down

Dear Abby: I'm 14 and have a big problem. My teacher, "Mrs. Smith," adores me. She is always calling on me and telling the class about all the things I'm doing correctly. After she does it, the other kids glare at me and call me "Teacher's Pet." It makes me uncomfortable. What should I do?

-- Don't Want to Be Teacher's Pet

Dear Don't: Because being used as an example is making you a target, ask your teacher to tone it down. And if it doesn't happen, have your mother speak to the teacher and/or the principal, if necessary.

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