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Something is fishy with husband

Dear Abby: My husband travels three to four days a week. Sometimes when he's intoxicated and we're having sex, he acts like he doesn't know who I am.

I asked him once, "Are you married?" He said, "No " Another time I asked, "Do you have a girlfriend?" and he said, "No, but you're fine " The next day he has no idea he said any of this. Should I be worried?

-- Wrong Answer in Chicago

Dear Wrong Answer: Absolutely. You should be worried not only about the fact that your husband is probably having extracurricular sex, but also that he has a drinking problem so severe he doesn't always know who he's sleeping with. You should be worried that after a night of drinking he can't remember clearly the next day what he has said (or has possibly done).

If he won't admit he has a problem and seek help, you should contact Al-Anon (it's in your phone book, or find it online at www.al-anon.org). And you should schedule an appointment with your physician to be tested for STDs, because I'm worried he may have given you one -- or more.

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Listen and offer sympathy

Dear Abby: I lost my 84-year-old mother in an accident. I called Mom's friends, many of whom are also elderly. Several of them talked on and on about their problems, their poor health, their spouses' poor health, etc.

Would you please remind people that when they get a courtesy call from a grieving family member to please listen, say, "Thank you for calling to let me know," and to offer condolences.

-- Bereaved Daughter, Livonia, N.Y.

Dear Bereaved Daughter: Not everyone knows how to handle a phone call such as you had to make. It's possible that the folks you called were either uncomfortable with the subject, and so they tried to deflect it by discussing what was going on in their lives -- or they have heard about death so often at their age that they have become accustomed to hearing such sad news.

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