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THE BUZZ

The envelope, please

Buzz's recently renovated mouth is like the Burchfield Penney Art Center. People peer into it and say, "Wow! Who did that?" and "This is beautiful work." Just like the Burchfield, though, it involves many artists. We missed our ortho appointment last week. We did make it to the ... endodontist, it was. And alas! The nurse asked for our X-rays, which we had in a tiny white envelope and handed over. She left, returned and said, without cracking a smile: "These aren't your X-rays. This is a gift card for Fat Bob's." And Fat Bob's must have our X-rays. Oh, dear.

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A load of bull

Fie on Daniel Gund of Amherst, for polishing off the 72-ounce steak at the famous Big Texan eatery near Amarillo last summer and not letting Buzz know. Luckily, there are no secrets in Buffalo, and we found Gund's victory on the Big Texan's Web site, where the restaurant lists all those who take and meet its challenge (eat it all and it's free!) -- at least, all those going back to 1991. (Earlier records were tragically lost in a sprinkler accident.) Gund ate his big meal in 46 minutes, 47 seconds, well under the hour time limit. "This was fun, let's not do it again," he wrote. Other comments were even more eloquent. Just this past February, a Texas eating champ wrote eloquently: "Jesus Christ is Lord."

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Jumping through hoops

A buddy was a greeter at the NCAA tourney, and said the weirdest question was two guys asking, specifically: "Where can we find Polish beer?" Alertly, he sent them to the Three Deuces on Gibson Street. Next time let's run a shuttle bus there. ... Seen at the Hyatt on Thursday night, a table full of West Virginia guys peppering Jackie Jocko with requests for "Country Road, Take Me Home" (he complied) ... Finally, spotted at St. Anthony's Church after the Latin Mass, a player in sneakers and a Mohawk haircut, looking at the statues. A Mohawk among the mantillas! We bet he won his game.

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The buzz

The attack of the classic hits! Pop pops up everywhere: At the gas pumps, in restaurants, at the library, in the park. Now it's piped into the Botanical Gardens, so the place sounds like a Sunoco, or a Wegmans. Can we not contemplate the flora in peace? Rock is bad for plants. Ask that angry Venus flytrap over there. ... Department of Ask a Silly Question: At an Amherst estate sale, a sign blared: "HOUSE SOLD... WE DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH."

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QUOTE

"This was a pretty good night. No one was a jerk."

-- Bartender at Shango, winding down last weekend

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