Elephants love the spotlight. Once at the Buffalo Zoo, an elephant caught Buzz's eye as if to say "Look at me." Then he dove into a pool and stuck one foot out of the water. Just like a little kid! Last weekend, at the zoo's "Party with the Pachyderms," the elephants clearly knew they were the main attraction. Applause broke out as they formed their signature chorus line. They moved logs, stacking them just so. What noble animals! At dinner, Zoo czarina Donna Fernandes said something about how she was especially proud of the elephants because she was Republican. And the best paean to the pachyderms came from a young woman in a gray jacket. She said, "I dressed like an elephant."
>It's a riot, it's a gas
Is this Ellis Island? No, it's National Fuel. It's easy to mistake the two when you're in the gas company's downtown waiting room, surrounded by signs. "No Smoking, Eating or Drinking." "Please Do Not Ask to See the Waiting List." "After Signing In, Please Do Not Stand Near the Reception Desk." "Please Turn Off All Cell Phones." "Customer Notice: There are No Public Restrooms on These Premises." Wait. What if you need a restroom? Aha, another sign: "If You Leave, and Your Name was Called, You Must Sign In Again and Wait To Be Called Again." How dehumanizing! Now we know why Father Baker found his own gas well. So he wouldn't have to suffer this.
X-rays are supposed to show you stuff you can't normally see, and visiting a Williamsville radiology office, Buzz found it's true. First, someone's cell phone played "Going Home." Isn't that a bit premature? Next, we saw an actual friar, with sandals and a rope belt. Right out of Shakespeare! Then a fight broke out in the waiting room. "She got her mammogram after I did and she got her results first!" one woman yelled at an orderly. "This is a crummy way to run a business!" Another woman joined in, rebuking the poor guy, who shrank back with his clipboard. "I used to shut up," the second woman declared. "I don't shut up any more." Hey, neither does anyone else.
>Darkness at noon
Who needs sunscreen? Just spend the summer in dark taverns. One bar, we forget which, had a sign saying: "Jello Shots: $1. Good for Nails, Hair and Attitude." In the Rose Garden, a German tavern in Lancaster, they have $3 Heinekens and boxer Max Schmeling's 2005 obit from The Buffalo News, headlined: "Schmeling Made the Most of His 99 Years." In the Buckin' Buffalo, Buzz loves how the mechanical bison, after sloughing off his rider, squeaks around to face the bar, tossing his head. Finally, that yummy Steve's Clam Bar has moved from Merlin's on Elmwood to M.T. Pockets on Hertel. They're clearly thinking of the future. Already, their sign says: "Go Bills."
It's a long strange trip, looking for a new car. Recreationally ogling Porsches, Buzz heard Grateful Dead playing in the upscale dealership. Obscure Dead, too, including "The Monkey and the Engineer." ... The Moon Chinese Buffet on Sheridan is under new management. But the new name, alas, isn't "The New Moon." It should be. ... Nice of the Vatican to pontificate on our road safety. But why no mention of that great Buffalonian staple, the dashboard St. Christopher?
"Hey, it's OK if you're more of a beer-and-wings than champagne-and-caviar kind of girl."
-- From June issue of Glamour