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The Buzz

>Ticket to fame

Anyone who was anyone was at Saturday's fundraiser for Officer Patricia Parete. And if you weren't anyone, people mistakenly thought you were. Howard, the guy Buzz married, was minding his own business when a woman walked up and said, "I know you. Alec Baldwin introduced us." Howard, who has never met Baldwin and couldn't even pick him out of a lineup, hid his astonishment. "Our Alec?" he improvised. "Yes," his new friend smiled. "Our Alec. I'm sending tickets to your office, to disburse as you like." "They'll come in handy," Howard smiled.

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>Outlook: Naked

Hearing of other people's debacles, we've all got to face facts: It's just a matter of time before nude photos of us are broadcast on the Internet. The best we can do is hope we look good. With which, Buzz explored Samples, the new Allen Street restaurant featuring servings that are, as News Food Critic Janice Okun accurately put it, "no bigger than a tablespoon." The anti-Buffalo! Next, our heart leapt as we beheld, in Walgreens, a preparation called the Female Fat Burner. Alas, there's always a catch. The fine print read: "Free diet and exercise plan included."

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>House party

Buzz always seeks reasons to brag about, not kvetch about, our aging Buffalo house. So at Saturday's Home Restoration Fair at the Historical Society, we caught Kitty Turgeon's talk on Arts and Crafts houses. Fascinating! Turgeon said an inglenook is fireplace seating. And you drink wine there, right? She said Arts and Crafts folks feared germs, so bathrooms were white. Those six-sided tiles long known as North Buffalo Bathroom, explained! But then she said Arts and Crafts styles varied according to ethnicity. "The German style is straight and square, and the French is curvy and sexy," she said. And she added that it corresponded to the nature of the people. Aw, gee! Buzz is German. There's hope for our house. But is there hope for us?

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>The buzz

Here's a headline that does the heart good: "Fireboat Cotter to be Named World's Largest Dyngus Day Squirt Gun." Can we go hit on a sexy Great Lakes freighter? ... Hottest item this week: New Era's Patty Parete cap. They sold out at the fundraiser, and a guy who wore one to the circus at HSBC Arena was besieged by desperate offers. Best offer came from a circus clown who said, "I'll give you $20, and five cartwheels."

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