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The Buzz

>Table Rock rock

Buzz wound up Sunday in the Fallsview Casino in Niagara Falls, Ont., and, woozy from the din of bells and jingles, managed to find our way outside for a walk. We found ourself on a patio overlooking the falls, with the sun shining, the day warm and benches for meditation. However, trashy music was blaring from speakers. Can't we get away from noise anywhere? Can't we enjoy the natural roar of the falls? Why does Ontario allow this? No wonder people drink and gamble. Oh, wait. Suddenly, we get it.

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>The wheel of life

Gambling stresses Buzz out. But we've finally found a casino game we like: hide and seek. Back from our walk, we took out our cell phone and called Howard, the guy we married, who was wandering the casino watching our friends gamble. "Meet you at 365," he said. "Where's that?" Buzz yelled over the clangor. "I don't know," he replied. Buzz resisted asking directions. (The employees all looked disgruntled anyway.) We walked, and looked for clues, and finally, there it was: "365," in big glitter numbers. And Howard was sitting there, watching the Bills. Jackpot! Speaking of which, Howard ended the day in the black. He found a voucher for two cents and cashed it. He said, "I'd like it in big bills."

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>Quarterback's quarters

Would we want to live on Oakland Place? Ever since we went to a party in a gorgeous mansion there, in honor of a new book from Buffalo Heritage Press about that wealthy little street, Buzz has been wondering. It's a pointless question, like asking if you want it to snow. But still. On the one hand, most houses on Oakland Place aren't perfect. Over the years, the rich owners could afford to follow fads, so they lopped off porches and put up siding. On the other hand, if we lived on Oakland, we'd be neighbors with J.P. Losman. Marti Gorman of Buffalo Heritage said when they were taking pictures for the book, she had to get a hold of Losman to move his Jeep. He was charming, she said -- especially once when she unwittingly got him out of bed. "I had to look down to make sure he wasn't in footie pajamas," she said. "He is that much of a kid."

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>Daring derring-do

A friend of Buzz's has seen the Chinese Acrobats and Cirque du Soleil. But he swears, and Buzz agrees, that neither exhibition of human dexterity could match the recent sight of a woman driving on Delaware Avenue. She cradled a cell phone in her neck while picking lunch with a fork off of a takeout wrapper nestled in her lap while -- with her free hand -- unwrapping a straw. That left no hands free to steer the car, but hey, that was why God created knees. "Shouldn't stuff like this be against the law?" our buddy wonders. "On second thought, it is!"

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>The buzz

Sign on Lewandowski's Produce at the Broadway Market: "All Sales Final." Darn, what about that sweet potato we bought and baked and loaded sour cream on top of and felt guilty about later? We can't take that back? ... You've heard of Middle Earth. Now meet Middle Buffalo. It's a new category real estate agents are referring to. And no, it's not the inner city. ... Last Friday, at the Sportsmen's Tavern, someone requested Glen Campbell. Funny that, to a Buffalonian, Glen Campbell will always mean the Chevrolet place in Amherst.

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>QUOTE

"Rest in peace. You're a very decent composer."

-- Anonymous note on the cemetery site www.findagrave.com, to Beethoven, whose birthday is Saturday

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