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WIFE MISSES THE PASSION

Dear Abby: My husband and I are well-educated professionals. This is the second marriage for both of us. We love each other and feel blessed to have found each other.

Our sex life was wonderful for the first two years of our marriage. But we've been married for four years now, and for the last two I have had to beg him for affection. I'm lucky if it happens every other month now, and when it does it's like he's thinking, "OK, let's get this chore over with," and he merely accommodates me. I have told him how ugly, unloved and insecure this makes me feel, but nothing changes.

I always thought it was a sin to cheat on your spouse, but, Abby, I'm beginning to understand why someone would "wander." Talk doesn't help, and he refuses to see a counselor. What do I do now?

-- Frustrated Spouse

Dear Frustrated: Talking may not resolve your problem. Your husband owes you an explanation about why your sex life changed so radically two years ago. And you owe it to him -- and yourself -- to hear him out. Some sessions for you, alone, with a professional counselor might help you to gain some insight.

You love each other and consider yourselves blessed to have found each other. Taking a lover will only drive you apart, and I don't recommend it.

Taxi service

Dear Abby: We provided our 16- year-old daughter, "Alex," with her own car. Her 16-year-old boyfriend, "Neil," isn't driving yet. Neil expects Alex to be able to drive to his house or out to see a movie, and gets upset if she can't.

Is it right for Alex to do all the driving when they go out on a date? Shouldn't Neil's parents be doing some of the driving since he can't?

-- Concerned Parents in Kentucky

Dear Concerned: Since Alex has a car and Neil doesn't drive yet, it's logical that she would be expected to provide transportation. However, there are other things to consider: Who is doing the calling and inviting? Who pays for their dates? If your daughter is doing all of the "courting," the relationship is out of balance.

Feeling as you do, mention your concerns to Neil's parents. And while you're on the subject, tell them that you do not want your daughter visiting their home unless there is an adult present. She should not spend time there without supervision.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.