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Dear Ann Landers: This is in response to the letter from "Deprived in Biloxi, Miss.," whose wife didn't want sex anymore. That wife could be me. When I started menopause, I lost all interest in sex. I talked to my doctor, and he suggested five different drugs (none of which worked). I did daily Kegel exercises, saw a therapist, read at least a dozen "how-to" books, tried creams and did everything else I could think of. Nothing helped.

My husband says he won't leave me over this, but he won't settle for a sexless marriage, either. What's worse, he is unwilling to have sex with me unless I exhibit as much enthusiasm as I used to, which is difficult. (I never was much of an actress.)

Now, his lack of sex is all he can talk about. I'm sick to death of the subject, especially since there isn't much I can do to fix it. At this point, I just want him to stop pressuring me and leave me alone.

My doctor says I should be patient, that in time my hormones might get back into shape or some new drug may be developed that will help me.

My husband acts as if I am doing this on purpose. I am at the end of my rope. Any ideas?

-- Fed Up and Ready to Live Alone With My Cats
Dear Fed Up: Forget about going to live with your cats. You have a husband at home who needs your attention. Hundreds (maybe thousands) of women suffer from sexual dysfunction. Another doctor, one who specializes in this field, may be able to help you. Please don't give up.

Your husband's attitude is terrible. His fixation on sex and his insistence that you are at fault only make things worse. I recommend counseling so both of you can learn how to get through this.

Meanwhile, don't wait around for the mood to overtake you. Brush up on your acting skills, and make the mood. It could save your marriage.

No one asked Granny

Dear Ann Landers: I would like your opinion about people who get married after living together for more than a year. I have a grandchild who has been living with her boyfriend for nearly two years, and now, they are having a big church wedding. The bride will wear the traditional gown and veil. There will be a large reception, and they expect to receive some fabulous gifts.

I believe they should have a small church wedding with family members only and a reception for close friends. My husband agrees with me. What is your opinion?

-- Sarasota, Fla.
Dear Sarasota: They didn't ask for my opinion. Did they ask for yours? Unless you are paying for the festivities, I don't believe you have a voice here.

As the grandmother, you should be pleased that the couple is finally getting married. Beyond that, editorializing on the propriety of the wedding will not help the situation, so keep your lip zipped, Granny, and go with the flow.

Classless request

Dear Ann Landers: Several years ago, my daughter and I gave a bridal shower for the daughter of a friend of ours. To thank me for the shower and for helping her with the wedding, the mother, "Elsie," gave me a lovely majolica vase filled with gorgeous flowers.

A few months ago, Elsie said she would like the vase back because it matches her daughter's fireplace. I was so stunned, I didn't reply. What would you do?

-- Speechless in New Jersey
Dear N.J.: I'd give her the vase and cross her off my list. The woman has no class. Zero. Period.

Problems? Dump on Ann. Write her at The Buffalo News, P.O. Box 100, Buffalo, N.Y. 14240.

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