Share this article

print logo


Dear Ann Landers: You recently printed a letter from "Busy Mom in Montana," who said husbands would get more sex from their wives if they helped around the house more. I can tell you this is absolutely not true.

I have been married to my wife for more than 10 years. I do the cooking, wash the dishes, do the laundry and sew buttons back on. I get the children off to school in the morning and pick them up afterward. I help with their homework, supervise their sports activities and read them bedtime stories.

Yet my wife constantly complains that she is "too tired" for sex.

When we were dating, our sex life was fabulous. As soon as we got married, it became ho-hum. I'm convinced that sex is the bait women use to set the hook for matrimony. I am living proof, and I hope you will print my letter to inform those who are not yet victims of that "tender trap."

-- Nameless in Evanston, Ill.
Dear Nameless: Sex is not a reward for washing dishes, sewing on buttons and getting the kids off to school. Many husbands who don't do any of those things get as much mattress time as they can handle. Why? Because they have learned what their wives find appealing. Invariably, it is some small act of kindness -- an unexpected compliment, a kiss on the back of the neck when she is in the kitchen, a squeeze of the hand while watching TV, an offer of a foot massage at bedtime.

Sex appeal has no age limit. Some women are as sexy at 60 as they were at 26. And it's not about looks. Gray hair and a few added pounds aren't necessarily a turnoff. Mature sex can be a great deal more interesting than the younger variety.

I do not know why your wife is no longer interested in sex, but obviously, it has nothing to do with how much you help around the house. She should talk to her doctor about possible medical reasons for her lack of libido. If there is no underlying medical cause, some joint sessions with a marriage counselor might provide an opportunity for you to discover what is really bothering her.

A misinterpretation

Dear Ann Landers: My cousin, "Connie," and I have been close since we were children. We spent time together whenever we could. I was always the outgoing one, and she was rather introverted, but we got along quite well.

I am now in my 80s, and I no longer travel. During the last few years, my cousin has visited me many times. About six months ago, I was talking to my in-laws and mentioned that I could always count on Connie to show up on my doorstep at any time.

The last time Connie visited me, I told her about this conversation. She became upset and said it was insulting to portray her that way. She said she never shows up anywhere without an invitation.

Was I out of line to describe our relationship this way? If you say yes, I will apologize.

-- California Cousin
Dear California: Your letter is a good example of how words can be misinterpreted, even though they are uttered with no malice intended. Tell Connie you are sorry about giving the relatives the wrong impression. In the future, if you are inclined to mention Connie's "impromptu" visits, be sure to add, "And it's always a pleasure to have her."

Problems? Dump on Ann. Write her at The Buffalo News, P.O. Box 100, Buffalo, N.Y. 14240.

There are no comments - be the first to comment