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MERGERS WE'D LIKE TO SEE

In the wake of such recent mega-merger deals as Exxon-Mobil and AOL-Time Warner-EMI, here's a few more we'd like to see:

Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush and the W.R. Grace Co., resulting in Hale Mary Fuller Grace.

Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Keebler Crackers: Polly Warner Cracker.

3M Co. and Goodyear: MMMGood.

John Deere and Abiti-Price: Deere Abi.

Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco and Dakota Mining: Zip Audi Do Da.

Honeywell, Imasco and Home Oil: Honey Im Home.

Federal Express and UPS: Fed Up.

SOURCE: None that would fess up.

And you call them couch potatoes
As American men park themselves in front of the television later today to view seemingly endless hours of Super Bowl-related programming, most will be doing more than staring blankly at the TV screen.

According to a survey conducted by Old Spice, a company that really knows guys, 65 percent of Super Bowl watchers will be males, and they'll be a very active lot. Among the things they'll be doing while watching include:

Eating/snacking -- 82 percent.

Watching the commercials -- 60 percent.

Yelling at the TV -- 52 percent.

Hanging out with the guys -- 46 percent.

Drinking beer -- 44 percent.

Swearing or cursing -- 39 percent.

Betting on the game -- 26 percent.

When the last of the post-game interviews is finally over, 29 percent of men surveyed said they planned to smoke a cigar. Other popular post-game activities included: playing contact sports, weight lifting, channel surfing, and of course, spending some quality time in the bathroom.

Blows like Monday sports talk
With all the hype, commentary and fan reaction surrounding today's Super Bowl XXXIV, you'd think there'd be enough air gusting around without a little Gowanda company adding its bit.

But Buffalo Turbine Agricultural Equipment Co. has leased six of its new Model KB Turbine Debris Blowers to the National Football League to blow more air in the Georgia Dome.

The blowers, which move 10,000 cubic feet of air per minute at 175 miles per hour, will be used before the game to dry the newly painted field, and at half time to assist ground crews with litter cleanup.

On second thought, no
The kick-off return that ended the Buffalo Bills' season three weeks ago in Nashville was tagged the "immaculate deception" here.

But other papers around the country called it the "Adelphia Miracle," after the stadium in which it took place. Adelphia Communications Corp. bought 15-year naming rights to the Nashville venue for a reported $30 million in 1999.

In a speech last week at the University at Buffalo, Adelphia chief John Rigas said that he liked the "miracle" phrase so much, he considered using it as a company motto.

But then he reconsidered. "I thought that might not sit well with the people in Buffalo," he said.

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