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How to win friends and influence me:

Color me skeptical of the report that the Democrats with an eye on the polls are pressuring Al Gore to get involved in a sex scandal.

Color me bothered by Mark Russell's remark that "in a modern version of Shakespeare's 'Julius Caesar,' the doomed emperor would cry, 'Et tu, (Sen.) Lieberman?' "

Say a prayer for our guys Over There.

Rate your friend an American history expert, Richard Slisz class, if she can name the first woman commissioned to do a sculpture for the United States.

Slisz reports that James Malloy, the former doorkeeper of the House of Representatives, will discuss his remarks about impeachment when the Monsignor James A. Healy Fund has its scholarship fund party at the Radisson Hotel at 5 p.m. Oct. 23.

Color me confident that few veterans posts will root for Roseanne's talk show to succeed. They won't forget her rendition of the national anthem, and some really believe that she was diagnosed as having a "charisma bypass."

Rate your friend a TV expert, Jenny Sullivan class, if she can name the first actress to play Alice Kramden.

Mrs. Sullivan reports that the band at the VFW Post 416 on Saturday will be Close Connections.

Color me amused by David Lettterman's take on the Labor Day holiday: "It's the last big party weekend before the hookers and muggers come back from the Hamptons."

Rate your friend a boxing expert, Charley Basile class, if he can name the first man to "go the distance" with Joe Louis.

Basile reports that Joey Maxim and Frank Wakefield will be among those honored at the National Veteran Boxers dinner at Salvatore's Italian Gardens on Oct. 16.

Consider this backward joke submission from Tom Donovan.

Two business pals had lunch every day until their company was bought by man from Bombay. The first day the boss was there, the senior man went to lunch with him and ordered a spicy dish.

The next day, the junior man said: "I saw you favoring curry with the boss."

Hang tough.

Last week's trivia answers:

Al Landreville of Lockport knew that John Framming Shrank is the man who tried to assassinate Theodore Roosevelt.

The Ivy Leaguer who played in "The Wizard of Oz" was Frank Morgan, the wizard himself.

Paul Christman, Elmer Angsman, Marshall Goldberg, Charley Trippi and Pat Harder made up the pro dream backfield. The college version was Goldberg, Cassiano, Chickerneo and Stebbins. Pete "Big Train" Sciandra and Bob Angela of Kenmore, Jim Peters of Buffalo and Bob Powell of Williamsville had right answers.

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