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ONCE UPON A PRESIDENTS' DAY

Color me intrigued by David Letterman's report that in "Primary Colors," "John Travolta was so convincing as President Clinton that earlier today, I understand, he received a warm note from Kathleen Willey."

Color me startled by Jay Leno's comment that he now understands why department stores celebrate Presidents' Day with a mattress sale.

Color me sorry I couldn't hear about the basketball scandal without recalling the shivering dude in the college football press box who said, "Basketball may be crooked, but it's warm."

Say a prayer for our guys Over There.

Rate your friend an American history expert, Dr. Marian Gray class, if she can give the date of the first benefit for veterans.

Dr. Gray advises that the St. Ann's Sodality of St. Peter and Paul Church will stage its 10th annual fashion show, "Spring Delights," at the Hearthstone Manor on April 25. Bishop Donald Trautman is coming to the show from Erie, Pa.

Color me skeptical of Tim (Merrill Lynch) Kane's report that until recently, Kathie Lee Gifford believed there was Tuesday Night Football.

Rate your friend a movie expert, Rita Kay class, if she can tell you who started the Oscars.

Ms. Kay reports that the Player's Club, "Western New York's finest musicians," will present its annual Spring Dance at the Hearthstone Manor on April 19. The director that day will be John Schiedo.

Color me skeptical of Mark Russell's report that Kenneth Starr recently gave his mother a subpoena.

Russell will be seen on Public Broadcasting tonight and has a good working arrangement with the Combat Veterans Association.

Color me intrigued by Bill Maher's take on the asteroid that might hit Earth in 30 years: "If the planet is wiped out in 2028, we'll never find out how Ken Starr's investigation turns out."

Rate your friend a sports expert, Sig Potembski class, if if he can name the distance most often traveled by an athlete.

Potembski reports that the Lamm Post will have a "Roaring '20s" night April 18.

Consider this backward joke submission from Jilly the Jester.

Ben Franklin left a riddle in his will that could be solved only by finding the instrument he used to sign documents.

His great-grandson found the answer in a vase and explained, "Ben said it all when he noted, 'A pen he urned is a pen he saved.' "

Hang tough.

Last week's trivia answers:

Al Landreville of Lockport recalled that Wallace Hartley was the bandmaster on the Titanic.

Murray Weingarten of Amherst, Gary Breller and Ken Rummenie of Buffalo, Wilbur Dunn of Newfane and Landreville knew that "La Dolce Vita" is the movie linked to the word "paparazzi."

Nobody could name the first non-goalie in the National Hockey League to wear a helmet.

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