Dear Bruce Smith: Life is just not fair. It is not important that you have a $28.2 million contract, which included a $6 million signing bonus. What is important is that once again you have been humiliated by Ralph Wilson, forcing you to become No. 2 on the payroll. Bruce, here is the way you can tug at Wilson's sense of what's right and thus restore you to the top of the pecking order. You have time to do this, so follow carefully.
Get petitions. Go to areas in Buffalo, or even your hometown, where there are homeless shelters and food kitchens. Get signatures from adults for your cause. Give free autographs to the kids. Next, find homes of single moms. Get moms to sign the petition. Give free autographs to the kids.
Finally, seek out two-parent homes where the financial struggle is real. Get their signatures, and of course, free autographs to the kids. Even though you are inclined to charge for the autographs, it is important that you don't, because that would taint your mission.