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How to Win Friends and Influence Me

Color me alarmed by the report that Republicans long for a return to the Ronald Reagan days when "sleeping with the president meant going to a Cabinet meeting."

Color me intrigued by David Letterman's take on the president's canine: "He's running around, jumping up on secretaries -- and they're having trouble with the dog, too."

Color me alarmed by the Bills fan who asked, "How does a spectator know when a Bills quarterback grounds a pass intentionally?"

Say a prayer for our guys Over There.

Color me confident that Kathie Lee Gifford will survive jokes like the comic's bit about a peso being the average Christmas bonus in factories where her clothes are made.

As was noted when a magazine named her one of the Most Intriguing People of 1997, she has resiliency -- despite her raves for her husband.

Rate your friend an American history expert, Andrew Phelan class, if she can name the state that was the site of the most battles in the Revolutionary War.

Color me intrigued by Conan O'Brien's take on another newsworthy event: "Lorena Bobbitt was arrested for punching her mother. Afterwards Bobbitt's mother said, 'I'm just glad I'm not her father.' "

Rate your friend a show business expert, Aileen Townsell class, if she can tell you how many freckles Howdy Doody had.

Color me puzzled by comic Chris Rock's report that "the good news is that basketball player Latrell Sprewell found work as a nanny." He probably meant "as an au pair."

Rate your friend a football expert, Dean Davis class, if he can name the last two undefeated and untied teams to meet in the Rose Bowl.

Color me impressed by the number of people who miss Ken Rummenie's backwards jokes. Like the following:

To promote understanding diverse cultures, the Albright-Knox Art Gallery will offer a cultural exhibit. In it, the solutions to life's deep problems are arrived at by people of the South Pacific.

When ordering the exhibit, the curator said, "Deck the halls with hows of Bali."

Hang tough.

Last week's trivia answers

Albert Fall was the first Cabinet member to be indicted. Al Landreville of Lockport, Gary Breller of Buffalo, Tony LaRusso of Angola and Wilbur Dunn of Newfane knew that.

The bank in "It's a Wonderful Life" was the "Bailey Savings and Loan." Brian Leahy of West Seneca, Dominic Sacca of Orchard Park, Joan Thomas of Clarence, John Stachowicz of Buffalo, Dunn, Landreville and LaRusso had the answer.

Robert Gleason of Holley, Dunn and Stachowicz recalled that George Blanda was the last starter to kick field goals.

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