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Welcome to South Park, Colo., where UFOs land regularly, third-graders vomit on cue, Jesus has his own cable-access show, and the school chef croons raunchy ditties about love.

Come! Meet the family!

Stan: Acknowledged leader of the third-grade raunch pack. Sarcastic, skilled at the put-down, and prone to vomiting hugely without warning. Nontheless, still the best-behaved and most responsible of the crew.

Cartman: Fat and spoiled, with a heart full of hatred. Loathes everything except his cherished Cheesy-Poofs snacks. Has severe intestinal gas. Unfortunate victim of a space alien probe. Currently the show's cult idol.

Kenny: Usually stuffed into a big hooded parka that muffles his language completely. Meets an unfortunate death each episode, providing pals with chance to scream the show's refrain: "Oh, my God, they've killed Kenny!" Always returns for the next show.

Kyle: Smart but gullible. Deeply confused about being Jewish. Plagued by Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo, during the Christmas special.

Chef: South Park's lone black person. Migrated from Mississippi to track UFO activity. Counsels the boys on love and sings perverted songs while dishing out school lunch goulash. Voice supplied by Isaac Hayes.

Mr. Garrison: Maladjusted teacher who delivers lessons via his hand puppet, Mr. Hat.

Sparky the Gay Dog: Homosexual mutt from earliest shows. Voice provided by "E.R." actor George Clooney.

-- Lauri Githens