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INTRODUCTION TO SEX SETS THE PATTERN

Dear Ann Landers: You told a woman whose husband was addicted to pornography that the way a person is introduced to sex, usually as a teen-ager, will shape his or her attitude permanently.

When my ex-husband, "George," was 18, a group of his pals pitched in and got together $20 to pay a prostitute for his first encounter. He is now in Bangkok "purchasing" his eighth wife. I was his third wife and the last one from America.

Since 1989, George has been married five times to prostitutes in their 20s, whose services he solicited. George is now 60 years old. Never mind that the AIDS epidemic has gone off the charts in Southeast Asia these past few years or that George has contracted other venereal diseases because of his recklessness.

George shuts out everyone who tries to reason with him about his sexual proclivities. It was the same when I tried to talk to him about his alcoholism years ago. He did not stop drinking until the physical damage had already taken its toll. I'm sure it will be the same for his sexual addiction.

I realize it's too late for George, but there is still hope for millions of children who soon will be coming of age. Please warn your readers not to leave it up to the neighborhood kids to teach their children about sex. It is not only the diseases they have to fear but also setting a lifetime pattern of destructive relationships. Today, promiscuity can kill you.
-- G.C. in Tombell, Texas
Dear G.C.: The best place for sex education is in the home, but unfortunately, too many parents are unable or unwilling to provide it. This means it is up to the schools. The sixth grade is just about right. I recommend teaching about sex during gym classes where the boys and girls are separated.

You've written a letter that deserves attention.

Advice does the trick

Dear Ann Landers: I was going through some old letters, and I found one from you in response to a letter I had written in 1983. I was convinced that my steady boyfriend was two-timing me, and I was terribly suspicious. I decided to follow the advice you gave in your letter to me. Two months later, my boyfriend asked me to marry him. We have been happily married for 12 years.

I thought you would like to know about your contribution to our "happy ending." This is the response that you gave me. It has served to bolster my self-confidence many times over the last several years.

"Dear Jane: Perhaps there is more to this situation than is apparent to me. From your letter, I do not see any real evidence that you have cause to be concerned. I have known of situations where false accusations of an unduly suspicious partner wrecked a relationship. I caution you against sleuthing, nagging or, worse yet, accusing.

"Good relationships are built on confidence and mutual trust. If you have small fears and nagging doubts about your beloved and sense a roving eye, the best deterrent to real trouble is extra doses of tender loving care. I strongly recommend it."

Thanks for being there when I needed you.
-- J.C., Sebastian, Fla.
Dear J.C.: How good of you to let me know I helped. Letters like yours are the frosting on the cake.

Gem of the day

The two biggest problems in corporate America today are making ends meet and making meetings end.

Problems? Write to: Ann Landers, The Buffalo News, P.O. Box 100, Buffalo, N.Y. 14240. Enclose a self-addressed, stamped envelope for a personal reply.

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