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How to win friends and influence me:

Color me intrigued by Bill Maher's take on Veep Gore's daughter's wedding: "He was so proud. There she was, all grown up, beginning a new life, accepting envelopes full of cash."

Color me skeptical of Dick Walsh's report that he met a person who actually was surprised when Michael Irvin, of the Cowboys, agreed to play football in 1997.

Color me surprised by the talk show sports show hosts who don't realize they are appeasing the NFL owners each time they call an exhibition game by the league's favorite name.

Say a prayer for our guys Over There.

Rate your friend an American history expert, Andy Phelan class, if she can name the first woman to fly air mail transport.

Color me intrigued by Jim (Entertainment Weekly) Mullen's take on the Ivana Trump divorce: "Money can't buy you love, but you can rent it for a while."

Rate your friend a movie expert, Lisa Grisanti class, if if she can name Jimmy Stewart's last film.

Ms. Grisanti reports that Kurt McKinney, who plays Matt Reardon on "The Guiding Light," will be meeting patrons at the Darien Lake Theme Park and Camping Resort on Saturday.

Color me skeptical of the report that a new outfit in town is called "Aerobics Anonymous." When you get an insatiable desire to exercise, you call someone who comes over till that feeling goes away.

Rate your friend a football expert, Elaine Wolfe class, if he can name the Eagle who returned the fumble for a touchdown.

Mrs. Wolfe reports that the Monday Quarterback Club will hold its Fredonia State outing on Aug. 4, and there is still time to join.

Consider this backward joke submission from Dick Sampson.

A doctor wanted to gamble in Las Vegas and tried to leave his business card at the main office in case a patient wanted him.

"Sorry," he was told. "The house doesn't make doctor calls."

Hang tough.

Last week's trivia answers:

Jim MacTarnaghan of Depew and Al Landreville of Lockport knew that Morry Taylor did not have a vice president on his ticket.

Bing Crosby, Ethel Merman, Donald O'Connor, Ida Lupino, Jeanmarie and Mitzi Gaynor were in "Anything Goes," which was made twice.

Walter Van Buren of East Amherst, Dr. William Klaus of East Aurora, Richard Jenczka of Cheektowaga, Dominic Sacca of Orchard Park, Jack Greiten of Amherst, Joan Thomas of Clarence, Tony LaRusso of Angola, Art Parks and Marlene Simon of Kenmore, Ken Rummenie of Buffalo and Landreville had right answers.

Jack Sudeldon of North Tonawanda, Dick Walsh of Treasure Island, Landreville, LaRusso, MacTarnaghan and Parks recalled that Bob McCain pitched to Bill Veeck's midget player.

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