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"You mean Cleveland High was named after a former president? I always thought it was named after that city in Canada."

Mildred Monroy, a junior at Los Angeles' Grover Cleveland High School.
I scream, you scream ...

We've been on a strict fast for a month now, in anticipation of stuffing ourself Sunday with the annual April Fools' Ice Cream at Aldrich's Beef and Ice Cream Parlor, on Route 60 in Fredonia. This year's flavor? Nachos and Cheese, with salsa. (It continues the trend toward Southwestern cuisine begun last year with Chili Vanilla.) No charge for the first taste!
In honor of the year of the pig, some swinish things we hate:

Bad-taste bumper stickers. ("Bingo Players Do It Horizontally, Vertically and Diagonally." Ugh. Only in Buffalo.)

People who let little kids push the buttons on the ATM machine. We want to wedge these people through the envelope slot.

People who throw cigarette butts out of car windows.

Waiters with big egos. At a tony Allen Street cafe, we got a guy who kept looking down his nose and saying, "Very good, ma'am." He failed to offer us the pretentious pepper he ground on other tables' food. And he never asked us, ever, if we wanted anything from the bar. Oink.

Beyond sushi
No matter how zooey Allen Street gets, we're glad we don't live in the Eastern Hemisphere. A Japan Airlines newsletter tells us that Japan's Fujiya Co. has introduced Carrot Wit, "the first carrot-flavored candy on the market." Yecch! Japan also has also have a drink made with chunks of apples. Super-yecch! No wonder that (the newsletter continues) a Thai mechanic has taken to eating auto lube grease sandwiches, saying they're "delicious and slippery on my tongue." We don't blame him, considering the alternatives.

Pub crawling
With all those hip bars downtown, we're in danger of forgetting the neighborhood saloon, aka the corner bar. Which is why, after a flick at the Elmwood Super Saver, a few of us went to Hertel, turned right, and wound up at M.T. Pocket's. We never noticed the place before, and found out why: It has been there only since Thanksgiving (previously, the bartender said, it was the Brass Palm Tree). M.T. Pocket's is a cozy hangout. We liked the crowd size (impressive, for a weeknight), the age range (20s and 30s) and best of all the guy-gal ratio (40-to-7). Over loud blues music, we talked with two DJs, a prison guard, a teacher, an attorney and a guy who worked for the sewer authority. Forget golf classes! This is where the boys are.
The buzz
Buzz gets letters, unsolicited. "I found your comments on David Copperfield to be way off the mark," writes Michael L. Lupinetti, of Lackawanna. "If you call this show lame, you should have your eye examined." Does that mean the Magic Eye? But, believe it or not, Buzz -- though we stick by our guns about Copperfield -- is fallible. Our quote last week on the Buffalo wings came not from the New Yorker but from Tom Stratton, whose work is featured in BUFFALO Magazine. "I feel proud you thought it was from the New Yorker," said Stratton, who has, indeed, been published in the venerable Big Apple mag. Well, we know quality when we see it.

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