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A Christmas list for Bob Rubin of the Miami Herald: a new straw hat; a new walker, the legs on his last one broke while he was speeding to the local trailer park (excuse me, "mobile home") shuffleboard championship; a complete beekeeper outfit to keep deadly mosquito bites from swelling his brain (or has that already happened?); a mind and an all-expense-paid around-the-world ego trip.

And for his beloved ever-shining city of Miami: no more race riots; one year without a major hurricane; no more widespread looting of the city; a surplus store named after one of their famous suburbs, "Tent City"; a little less drug trafficking, and above all else, a real football team!

Bob, eat our shorts!

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