I recently received a smuggled document revealing that the flag burners are planning a new and even more disgusting assault. Anticipating that they will be crushed by President Bush's drive for a constitutional amendment, the desecrators have decided to move to less dangerous ground. My source claims that plans are well under way to assault the "Star-Spangled Banner."
In their cells, the conspirators have been practicing caterwauling on the theme of our one and only national anthem. I myself have heard strains of off-key renditions from the cheap seats at the Aud. A dear friend told me that at Pilot Field, at the beginning of the American game, she heard not only flats, but sharps on "the dawn's early light." I find it outrageous that these creeps should infringe on what to us is so dear.
To cut short this new ploy, we must modify the flag-burning amendment to protect the national anthem, and for good luck, "God Bless America." Who knows what they will look for next? Join with me in protecting our fragile national symbols.