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DENVER BRONCOS ARE SURE TO WIN

BY NOW you've all heard of the Super Bowl Predictor, which tells which way the stock market will go depending on the outcome of the world's most publicized sporting event. And most of you have heard of the January Barometer, which says that this month determines the direction of the market for the rest of the year.

Put the two of them together, turn them around, and out comes: the January Market Super Bowl Prognosticator. This bit of convoluted reasoning yields good news for the 12-point underdog Denver Broncos:

Wall Street's horrendous past four weeks make it pretty clear the January Barometer will point down for the full year. And the Super Bowl Predictor guarantees a bad year for stocks when an old American Football League team wins. Thus, since the market is down, the Broncos, old AFLers that they are, are guaranteed a victory over the San Francisco 49ers.

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